Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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