he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
then he tried to convert me to islam
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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