I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
