and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
