Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
