ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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