apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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