im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
