Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
