he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
