Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
send nudes
from the living room?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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