Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Operation Purity has been aborted
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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