I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
