I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just pee around me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
