We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
