it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
