that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
