Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
