Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ttyl tear gas
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Someone signed my nipple.
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