Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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