so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
