Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
either way he was missing a nipple.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
