plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
