I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sponge bath it is.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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