just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
