Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
