I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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