If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
