my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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