Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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