I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
