you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
