no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
