why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
