you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
