Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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