This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
