I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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