come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
