Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
