I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
