I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
