dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
