Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
