last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
