A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
