its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She even gives head with a lisp.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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