Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
