Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
