Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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