Small penises have feelings too.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
