Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
