My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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