mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
