He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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